


How Did We Get Here?

by dirksnipples



Category: Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Break Up, Break Up Talk, Crying, Denial, I didn’t know what to do to cope, M/M, i am in a lot of pain, small mention of Past self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirksnipples/pseuds/dirksnipples
Summary: The truth is hiding in your eyesAnd it's hanging on your tongue...
Relationships: Michael Afton/Jeremy Fitzgerald
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	How Did We Get Here?

**Author's Note:**

> Like it just happened an hour ago, and I’m just so lost, and I just want to distract myself, but I can’t think of anything, and I just want to go back in time...
> 
> Song is Decode by Paramore, need to credit. I’m crediting. Don’t own characters. This is probably full of misspellings, please just let it be, I won’t fix it. Just leave it where it is, I know it’s bad..I’m sorry..

_How did we get here_

_When I used to know you so well?_

_How did we get here?_

_Well, I think I know…_

He’s never cried in front of anyone since his brother died. He’s used to holding it all in, used to being betrayed, stepped on, looked down on. He’s used to feeling hopeless, useless, stuck. He’s used to everyone hating him, lying to him, telling him how much of an annoyance he is. He’s used to that. It’s what he knows. 

What he didn’t know was that the walls he placed so carefully, were able to break down so easily. He never let anyone in, let anyone know, let anyone even see how he is feeling. How he is hiding, how he is secretly crying. He didn’t want anyone to get close, to manipulate him again, to make him fear himself and the world more than he does, but it was so easy. So easy to make him break, to make him cry, to make him fall in love. All Jeremy did was smile at him brightly, and suddenly he felt naked. Suddenly he felt out of place. Suddenly he was vulnerable. 

They say that when you meet your soulmate, that everything becomes crystal clear. Becomes brighter, becomes easier. Everything became so clear to Michael that day. Normally the world was painted in a dark, revolting hue, but somehow, with Jeremy at his side, the world seemed to shine for once. With Jeremy he was finally able to open up. With Jeremy he felt important. With Jeremy by his side, he was able to accomplish so much. When they shared their first kiss, he felt so light in his feet. When they shared an _‘I love you’_ he knew that he wanted to stay with Jeremy forever. He knew Jeremy was his soulmate. He knew that he wanted no one else, and he was fine with having no one else, as long as it meant that he could have Jeremy. He would give up everything for Jeremy, even though he didn’t even have to in the first place. Jeremy made sure that Michael was thriving, was accomplishing his goals, was succeeding and making his dreams a reality. Jeremy was perfect. His self harm scars, his irrational fears, his doubts, his everything. Michael thought that no matter what, Jeremy was perfect. Jeremy is beautiful, Jeremy is everything that he could ever want. 

So when Jeremy stopped talking to him suddenly, he didn’t know what to do. The blond was away for school, and had a job to boot, so Michael was understanding. He still sent him encouraging messages, _‘I love you’s_ and anything else that’s so cheesy that you could think of. Michael wouldn’t dare let anyone know what he sent. If Jeremy said it, well, he’d let it pass. He couldn’t really get mad at the blond. Nonetheless, he let himself keep sending countless messages, not receiving a single reply. 

Michael knew what this could have meant. When people ignored him, it meant something bad was going to happen. It meant that he needed to prepare himself for something he didn’t like, because this always happened when he got too close to someone. So what was he supposed to think, when he awkwardly texted Jeremy’s best friend Fritz? Asking if Jeremy was doing alright. He got an easy response, saying that Jeremy is just busy. Fritz asked him if he was alright, if they were fighting, and Michael awkwardly explained what was happening. His small worry, immediately regretting it, even though Jeremy said that Fritz is someone he could trust. Even if Fritz was patient with Michael, understanding, and there when he needed him. 

“He wouldn’t just suddenly drop something so big on you, that doesn’t sound like him.”

And Fritz did help him feel a little reassured. 

Even when Jeremy messaged him, finally messaged him back after not answering, though he left him with a concerning message, Michael felt that it was okay. That this was just a rough patch that they were going through. They could do it, it would be fine. They’ve been fine for almost two years, he could do this. 

Except, that didn’t end up being the case. 

Jeremy was relapsing. Relapsing back into old habits, back into something that, by normal standards, is considered toxic. It didn’t feel toxic to Michael. It felt like a rough path that he wanted to help Jeremy through. 

“...I can’t keep hurting you like this, Mike..”

He didn’t understand what Jeremy meant. He was only hurt, because this started so abruptly. 

“I'm hurting you. I’ll keep hurting you. All I do is hurt everyone when I get like this, you deserve better than this.”

“Th-There has to be something I can do!” Michael pleaded. He sobbed hard into the receiver of his cell, pulling at his hair. “I love you, please, I-I- Jeremy, please.”

All he could do was pull his hair, his hand constantly falling onto his lap, his sobbing getting louder and louder. They’d been at this for 2 hours. Michael tried everything he could. Anything, _anything_. He just wanted to stay with Jeremy. 

“I need professional help..I can’t keep hurting you like this. I can't do this to you, and I can’t do this to myself.”

“But I want to help you!” Michael gasped, wiping his eyes on the end of his sweater sleeve, squeezing into himself. It was all futile. The blond had made his decision. Jeremy was stern. He had to keep this the way it was. He couldn’t give in. Even when Michael sobbed. Telling Jeremy everything he loved about him, no matter his flaws. He loves him. Michael loves Jeremy to pieces, and even if he knew what was best, he didn’t want to feel empty. He didn’t want to give up, he didn’t want to stop what him and Jeremy have, he-

_“...I don’t want to hurt you, Jeremy.”_

He had to give up. 

_“If being with me will keep making you hurt, I don’t want that.”_

He didn’t want to give up. Suddenly, everything felt like it kept closing in on him. 

Even when they tried to make each other laugh at the end, he wanted to be understanding. Even when they promised to keep talking to each other, to keep being friends, he felt like crying. Even when he ended it with an _’I love you._ ’ Trying to say that Jeremy was one of his bestest friends, because Jeremy still is, he felt like crying. 

And he felt lost. He feels hopeless, lost, and everything is surreal. Nothing feels right. Nothing feels calm. Nothing feels alright. He won’t stop sobbing. He won’t stop pleading with some invisible god. He won’t stop wishing that he could have done more. 

He feels like he should have done more to prevent this. 

And even when Elizabeth came in, telling him that it would be okay, he felt lost. Even when she tried to comfort him, he felt lost. Even when she kept a calm demeanor, being patient with him, even through all of the _’I don’t know..’_ s, he felt lost. She finally let him be, knowing that she couldn’t do more. He sobbed. 

Everything felt out of place. The puzzle pieces that Jeremy helped him put together we’re all scrambled. His dreams felt hopeless. The promise ring felt like a burn on his ring finger. All of the photos he had of Jeremy, all of the gifts, all of the letters…

He wanted to go back to three months ago, when Jeremy called him on his birthday, making him cry and feel special. He wanted to go back to five months ago when he was last with Jeremy. The way he sobbed when he had to leave the blond. He wanted to go back. He didn’t want to be here in the present. He-

_...He wanted his boyfriend back…_

_Michael sobbed into his pillow that night. He couldn’t find anything to distract his mind anymore..._


End file.
